rules

Disclaimer: The vast majority of the time Jacob is a very happy and easy-going toddler.

As Jacob becomes taller, more mobile, and increasingly obstinate, his possibilities expand exponentially. It seems like we need to establish new rules for Jacob every day. The most recent rule? If you stuff zucchini into your ears then you are finished eating supper.

I hope I got all the seeds out.

We've also started using a time out mat. We've done time outs for a while now, but were essentially putting him into a basket hold for them. That started to feel like we were giving him negative attention. Jacob has a good attention span and can sit for 5-10 minutes focused on one toy. So, we figured he could developmentally handle sitting on a mat for 2 minutes. (You get one minute of time out per year of age.)

The first time we tried the mat, it was torture for John and me. Well, more for me. John is better at seeing the big picture. I'm so glad that I had watched SuperNanny, so I knew a bit what to expect. SuperNanny is the best!

Jacob knows exactly what the mat is for, but it seems that he wants to make sure that we're aware of the purpose. He'll point to the mat, asking us to name it. "That's the time out mat. That's the tomato timer. When Jacob chooses to not listen, Mom or Dad put Jacob on the time out mat. You stay on the mat until the timer goes 'ding'." Jacob listens to this very carefully and then will deliberately walk over to us. He will hit, kick, or bite us and then, with all the attitude that the best 14-year-old could muster, looks at us like he's saying, "What are you gonna do about that?"

No surprise, he goes onto the time out mat. Except it seems to surprise Jacob. "Wait! I just wanted to make sure! I didn't really mean it!"

Just as important as the time out part is discussing it afterward. This is what makes it discipline and not punishment. After time out, we say something like, "Jacob had time out because he hit Mom. Hitting hurts. Ouch! Jacob does not hit." Then we practice a "gentle touch" - kiss, hug, gentle pat on the arm, petting hair, etc. "Oh, I like gentle touches from Jacob. Thank you for that gentle touch. I love you!"

Interestingly, Jacob doesn't engage in timeout behaviors away from us. At daycare they actually spend time encouraging him to defend his toys and his space. With babysitters and grandparents & at the church nursery they all praise him for being such a good boy. Jacob just tests the people that he knows best - Mom and Dad. If I could only remember that him hitting me is a complement when it happens!