Scooby Doo was wrong

Growing up one of my favorite cartoons was Scooby Doo. In my memory a lot of episodes occurred in, or close to, a lagoon - meaning a haunted swamp.

Imagine my surprise when I learned that the septic system of choice in this area is a lagoon. Why in the world would we want a haunted swamp by our house? And, more importantly, why would we dump raw sewage into a swamp by our house?

I now know that a lagoon can be something other than a haunted swamp. Apparently Scooby Doo wasn't a good source of information...

Things I've learned while living in the country:

1. A lagoon is a type of septic system, not a swamp-like area. A pipe carries waste from your house to a small pond a few hundred feet from your house. The pipe’s end is under water. The water and other natural creatures assist your waste in decomposing. Surprisingly, if it is constructed correctly, you will never smell your lagoon.

2. If you need assistance in constructing a lagoon, the Kansas State Extension Office has a publication that provides information.

3. To keep your lagoon free of vegetation, get some baby geese in the spring. Make sure that the lagoon is fenced with small chain-link fencing so that the geese can’t get out. Start eating your first goose about Thanksgiving, your last one by New Year’s Day. Repeat the process again each spring. (We've opted to not do this. It seems very wrong to eat something with a diet consisting solely of sewage!)

4. There are right and wrong types of toilet paper for your septic/lagoon system. Use this test to find out if yours is okay: Take four connected squares of toilet paper. Hold on to the far end, and dip the rest into water. Pull the strip up. If the paper breaks off, you’re doing great! If the strip is still connected, immediately go out and buy another brand. Give your old toilet paper to a food pantry in the city.