Forest of the Plains

Usually clients that I work with are grateful for the services that my involvement brings. And, many of them want to show me that they are grateful. I can understand this. I’ve been sick with a my stupid thyroid and immune system in overdrive since October 2004. I really appreciate all the assistance that I have received from our friends and neighbors, and I have given some of them gifts of appreciation.

The problem with gifts from my clients is that I cannot ethically accept most gifts from clients. A general rule of thumb is that gifts which are handmade/homemade or cost less than $1.00 are okay. Last Christmas I did accept a Precious Moments magnet that was the size of a quarter that said, “You are a blessing”. This week I accepted part of an aloe vera plant.

So many people do not want to work with older adults because “it’s depressing to be around old people”. I disagree. I think it’s inspiring to see people who have lived through so much adversity and are still here to talk about it. When I am physically sick, thinking about my clients’ lives helps me to be emotionally well.

The biggest and best gift a client can give me is to teach me something new about myself or humanity in general. So many are suffering so greatly, and yet they have a positive outlook on life.

Others are suffering so greatly, and they make sure you know it. I consider it very fortunate that I met one such person. I’ll call her “Rachel”.

Rachel wasn’t a very nice person. Her children rarely visited her because of how she had treated them. Most of her friends had died. Most of her neighbors refused to speak with her. Rachel was nasty, vindictive, and spiteful. She called about 10 people daily to tell them how much pain she was in - then she would end the conversation by telling the person how horrible they were, cuss at them, then hang up.

Since I was new to the agency, I received the assignment of working with Rachel. My supervisor and I agreed that she was not safe living alone, and we involved the local Adult Protective Services (APS) office. But, it would likely be months before APS could get anything done. I grudgingly agreed to visit Rachel on a weekly basis.

In the beginning it was really difficult to listen to Rachel. My mind would wander as she told me the same stories again and again. One day I was reminded of a child dedication ceremony that happened several years earlier. During the ceremony the pastor held the tiny infant up high and said, “You are a Child of God. This is your church family where we are all Children of God.”

I started reliving this memory during each visit with Rachel. Then I started chanting in my head, “Rachel is a Child of God”.

I grew to really enjoy my visits. During our visits Rachel poured her heart out to me. I heard stories of her childhood, her children’s childhood, her husband, her jobs. I watched her eyes sparkle as she recounted fond memories. I held her hand as she cried and lamented her pain. I valued her insights regarding coping with life’s difficulties. I admired her desire to remain informed about national and world events. Rachel became my friend.

Rachel didn’t ever remember my name because the dementia had progressed pretty far. Each visit she would look in my eyes and say, “You’ve been here before, haven’t you?” Then she’d hold my hand and say, “You’re the nice one.”

Eventually she moved into an assisted living facility that had a special dementia unit. She died last month.

I will never forget the gift of Rachel. I am so grateful that I drew the “short straw” and was able to visit with her so much. I learned to see that there was a person - a real live person - beneath the pain. Rachel taught me:
…the pain of loneliness.
…the joy of life, even with all its challenges.
…that the gifts of friendship and compassion are priceless.
…the significance of a willing listener.

Most importantly, as I was reminded that Rachel is a Child of God, I was also reminded that the Light of God is in all of us. Each life, no matter how rough around the edges, is important. This is a very difficult lesson to master. I will always be grateful for this precious gift that Rachel gave me.