Forest of the Plains

During the holiday season, we are expected to be happy. But, for a lot of people the holidays bring forward a lot of anxiety, anger, hurt, and negative memories. I have worked with so many people who do not enjoy the holidays one bit. Many just "go through the motions" of religious and family events, putting up a wall in hops of preventing any further hurt.

Mayo Clinic's website has a great article on the healing benefits of forgiveness. Whether or not you think this article applies to you, I think that you should read it.

When a rodent runs across the road do you:
a) try to hit it so there will be one less rodent in the world
b) try to avoid hitting it so that you won't have rodent guts on your car, or
c) say, "I've had it! I'm moving to the city where they don't have rodents!"

I hope that you have a wonderful holiday and that you have something to be truly thankful for.

I'll be busy with family and friends, so will get back to blogging next week.

I knew for a while that I had a UTI. After you've experienced the fun of a UTI a couple of times, you can usually diagnose one as reliably as a doctor. This time I decided to see if I could just drink more water and have it go away. The symptoms slowly progressed, came and went, being annoying enough to notice but not problematic enough to really do anything about it. Then suddenly at 2 am it felt like my whole abdomen was in a giant cramp that lasted for 40 minutes.

When something messes with my sleep, it doesn't get ignored any more! So I saw the doctor who is very precise and caring, yet no sense of humor. He didn't get several of my comments. I waited until he left the room to laugh at his very dry, "We don't have the labs back yet, but I am extremely confident that you have a bladder infection".

I totally understand why we should limit the use of antibiotics. But, it's amazing how wonderful they can be when used appropriately. Four Levaquin and $53.72 later (That's right folks: $13.43 per pill!), I feel like I have enough energy to take over the world!

I had a check up with my allergist this week and Jacob went along. It's fun to take Jacob to my doctor appointments - all the staff get excited about a cute baby! At this visit Jacob even scored a small yellow plastic duck as a gift. Jacob was very pleased.

As we were going to the exam room I noticed that a strong unpleasant smell was coming from Jacob. I decided to wait to change the diaper until after the appointment because these visits usually go fast. The doctor opened the door, took a step in and said, "You can go ahead and change him. I'll come back." Um, okay.

When the doctor did come back, he had us go to another exam room. Apparently med school didn't prepare him to deal with the smell of poop!

This past weekend we decorated for Christmas. This is a drastic change from our typical panic-filled "oh my the company's coming and tomorrow's Christmas Eve and we haven't started decorating" frenzy. We're so happy to celebrate our first Christmas in our new house and we're trying to actually not procrastinate this year.

We have spent the past year wondering where our Bibles and hymnals were packed. (For any good Mennonite, a hymnal is really as important as a Bible, and these hymnals were gifts.) We did find a box clearly marked "Bibles" on the outside, but the box was empty! It left me wondering if someone stole the Bibles. Then I chuckled thinking that whoever stole a Bible probably needed it more than I did. We bought another Bible.

This weekend we found the Bibles. They were in a box labeled "decorative items - family room, office, kitchen". We did indeed keep the Bibles and hymnals in the family room, and they were displayed on the church pew in a "decorative items" fashion. Thanks to the helpful last-minute packers who managed to actually get things into boxes and out of the house before we had to close!

And now, our house feels even more like home all decked out for Christmas! And I feel more settled knowing where our Bibles and hymnals are!

Part Two

With the end of nursing in sight, I faced a whole new set of challenges. Every time before when I stopped a specific nursing time, Jacob didn't seem to notice. When I went from two to one nursing per day, Jacob was very obvious about his discontent over the decreased nursing. It didn't help that he also got a bad double ear infection about the same time. He would pull at my shirt and cry when I didn't nurse him. (A couple of times I cried too.) He started biting my shoulder a lot and could be extremely defiant toward me, but was loving toward his dad. It was hard to not take it personally because it WAS personal. My breasts hurt and my baby was mad at me, and I knew that nursing would solve both issues. At the same time, I was excited about not having to nurse any more.

What a roller coaster! I was not at all prepared for those challenges. I started to actually like nursing and finally understood mothers who nursed their children for three years. Every time I nursed him, I got teared up. I asked John to take a picture of Jacob and me while we were nursing. I kept thinking, "I suffered through eleven months of nursing, only to suffer through not nursing?!?" I did not appreciate the irony one tiny bit.

We plowed ahead and eliminated the one remaining feeding. No more breast milk for Jacob.

Jacob became clingy to the point of being very annoying. I started heaping on praise when Jacob ate meals or drank his milk, and tried to spend extra time reading to him or doing other activities with him on my lap. We changed up the bedtime routine so that Jacob didn't see me immediately before sleeping. We also started doing more family outings/activities, hoping that Jacob would notice that there was an exciting world that didn't involve nursing. It took about two weeks, but Jacob finally realized that he was okay.

About a month later Jacob started giving me spontaneous hugs and kisses again. What a relief to be forgiven!

Knowing what I know now, would I do it again? Well, yes. But, I would restructure my life so that other stressors wouldn't be so huge and I would invest in a better breast pump. And, I'd probably put posters around the house to remind myself why nursing is so good for babies! At the very least, I have come to view breast feeding as God's way of making tired mothers sit down!

I walked into WalMart this week and was startled by the giant Christmas tree that greeted me. I thought of Ralph as I shook my head.

I passed the Christmas candy isle. Just last week it was the Halloween candy isle. I did not stop for Christmas candy because it just didn't seem right. But then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes. I gave in and bought a box. It is too early for Christmas promotions, but that Tree Cake still tasted very good!

Last Christmas fell during an extremely stressful point in our lives. We barely decorated and it never really felt like Christmas. This year is going to be different. Because of our schedule, we're actually decorating this weekend. I can't wait to have it feel like a real Christmas!

Part One

[Notice: There may be too much information for you here, but someone has to say it!]

I read two books, a couple magazines, and numerous websites in preparation for breast feeding. They say that one of the biggest indicators of a woman continuing to breast feed is whether or not their significant other supports the breast feeding. John was supportive and I also had free access to a Certified Breastfeeding Educator and a Lactation Consultant and other services where I gave birth. I thought that I was prepared.

Everything that I read glossed over any potential difficulty. They provided lots of helpful and supposedly easy solutions to a few common complaints. They also insinuated that if you stopped breastfeeding then you just weren't trying hard enough.

I know several women who breastfed their infants and all of them had significant issues. One baby was projectile vomiting and they thought it was because of the mom's diet. Turns out that the baby had acid reflux. He had to take a prescription medication before each feeding and had to be on extremely expensive speciality formula before he stopped the vomiting.

Another baby's tongue required surgery before he was able to swallow correctly (this would have been a problem without nursing, too), and his mom also had difficulty producing enough milk. So, in order to stimulate milk production, she had to pump in addition to nursing every three hours. (A typical feeding lasts 30-45 minutes.) That is a significant time investment!

In my case, I made more than enough milk and Jacob latched on just fine, but his tongue didn't thrust out correctly so he couldn't get the milk to come out. It took so much effort, that he'd fall asleep after one or two sucks. We tried everything to keep him awake - cell phone vibrating on him, clapping hands near him, undressing him, moving all his limbs - and he just slept on through it. Eventually we found that an ice cube placed between his bare belly & mine did the trick. (My belly did not enjoy that!) We also spent a lot of time with finger feedings, nipple shields, and tongue exercises before Jacob was a successful nurser. And we spent tons of time at appointments with the Lactation Consultant.

The shear exhaustion of being a first-time mom, recovering from an emergency c-section, and getting up every 3 hours to convince Jacob that he wanted to nurse just about did me in. It took about 45 minutes for Jacob to nurse. 45 minutes of sitting and being awake & alert every three hours. The only thing that kept me awake was watching tv, and at 2 am there just isn't anything good on. Thank goodness for MythTV! If John and the Lactation Consultant had not been available, Jacob would have been on formula by his second week of life.

When Jacob was 3 months old I had mastitis. That was a horrible experience! The only thing that kept me nursing after that was the thought of how expensive formula is. I kept asking John to remind me why I was doing this. We did choose together that I would breastfeed because "breast milk is best" and it would dramatically decrease Jacob's chances of developing allergies and asthma. (So much for that, Jacob's been on Claritin since he was 7 months old!)

Also during those late nights, I kept remembering reading about how wonderful breast feeding was, how it was such a bonding experience, how the baby would gaze lovingly into your eyes while they filled up on something your body had made specifically for them. I kept wondering if there was something wrong with me because I had never experienced any of those feelings. Jacob was 5 months old the first time that I didn't feel like it was a struggle to nurse.

From then on breastfeeding got a little easier. I think that it helped to have Jacob sleeping through the night. Not being sleep deprived can immediately brighten ones perspective! It also helped when he started eating solid foods. That meant that I didn't have to nurse him as often, which psychologically felt better.

When Jacob turned 10 months old he was only nursing three times a day. I was really tired of spending my lunch hours pumping, so switched him to formula bottles the three days a week he spent at daycare. Being able to eat lunch without simultaneously pumping felt like such freedom! Also, it is impossible to over-emphasize the importance of a good breast pump!

With the end of nursing in sight, I faced a whole new set of surprising challenges. Stay tuned for Part Two.

We recently went to the corn maze because we had free tickets. If we had to pay the $7 per person to get in, we probably wouldn't have gone. We can wonder around fields for free at our house!

When we entered the maze, we were given a map. John handed the map to me and said that he knew I wasn't adventurous, but he was up for an adventure. I wasn't sure if I should thank him for being considerate or whalop him for being non-considerate. Maybe he's been spending too much time with Cliff?

Overall it was a fun time. Jacob really enjoyed playing with the dry corn stalks. I don't think that I had ever been *in* a corn field before. Being surrounded by corn twice as tall as I am was a strange feeling!