Grandpa

In preparing for Grandpa's funeral I wanted to take down the Easter decorations that were in the church sanctuary. I especially didn't think the two banners reading "See what the Lord is doing" and "It is marvelous in our eyes" (from Psalm 118) were appropriate for a funeral.

Then I read a blog on the phrase "It's a God Thing". The author points out that people often refer to good things as "a God thing", but forget that bad things are also "God things".

I also read something that Grandpa wrote just after his wife's death in 1980. He said that he and Martha had been praying for a miracle to happen, that she would be healed. But, they also prayed that if the miracle wasn't to be in her life, that some miracle would happen in someone's life as a result of her struggle with breast cancer. After her death Grandpa realized that the miracle they had prayed for had happened - he felt the the miracle occurred in himself because he was at peace with her death and he became closer to God.

Suddenly I found the banners to be most appropriate for this funeral. Grandpa's life was pretty marvelous. The love and support of the huge Goerzen/Friesen extended family that took up half the church pews was pretty marvelous. The way that Grandpa's four children with very different personalities could come together and make so many difficult decisions in a short time was pretty marvelous. The fact that several of use who are very allergic to flowers could make it through the 90 minute service was pretty marvelous. And, the monster cookies served in his honor were pretty marvelous, too!

We spent this afternoon with John's family. The pastor shared some words of blessing for Grandpa and the family. We all went out for dinner. We'd been home for 20 minutes when the phone rang - Grandpa is doing much worse.

He died at 9:15 PM tonight.

Alvin Goerzen, aka Husband, Dad, Grandpa, Brother, "Uncle Al", "Big A", friend; you will be missed.

When John and I were engaged, his mom, Cynthia, wanted to have a shower for us. At the time we were living in Indiana and his parents in Kansas, so it took some coordination! Although Cynthia did everything she could to make me comfortable, it was still pretty stressful as I met most of John's family for the first time. I was also feeling really overwhelmed by how nice everyone was. I'm a lot more comfortable with needing to second-guess what everyone says!

John's grandpa was sitting on a couch across the room. A guy I hadn't met yet asked Grandpa if he could sit beside him. Grandpa growled out a "no". The whole room started laughing. Finally, an emotion I could understand - sarcasm! At that moment John's grandpa became my grandpa, as well as my favorite new relative!

Grandpa had been sick for many years, but became more so after our wedding. I don't have the memories of his farm, or the many years he served as a summer cook at Swan Lake Christian Camp, or the hours he dedicated as president of the Sand Creek Watershed, or the friends he made while in the bowling league. I do have memories of his quick smile, dry humor, love of family, and the importance of visitors to break up his days while living at Bethesda Home.

Last night John and I visited Grandpa. We knew Hospice Services had been started. We knew the CHF, Parkinson's, and Depression had taken a toll on his body. We knew he was dying. It wasn't until last night that our hearts took all of this in.

Last night we clung to our memories of him because the person we visited didn't fit our memories at all. He was tired. He struggled for every breath he took. He didn't have the strength to visit with us, or laugh at a dry joke. John had a chance to say thank you. We both said good-bye. It's really difficult to watch someone we love go through the process of "actively dying".