Grandpa

When John and I were engaged, his mom, Cynthia, wanted to have a shower for us. At the time we were living in Indiana and his parents in Kansas, so it took some coordination! Although Cynthia did everything she could to make me comfortable, it was still pretty stressful as I met most of John's family for the first time. I was also feeling really overwhelmed by how nice everyone was. I'm a lot more comfortable with needing to second-guess what everyone says!

John's grandpa was sitting on a couch across the room. A guy I hadn't met yet asked Grandpa if he could sit beside him. Grandpa growled out a "no". The whole room started laughing. Finally, an emotion I could understand - sarcasm! At that moment John's grandpa became my grandpa, as well as my favorite new relative!

Grandpa had been sick for many years, but became more so after our wedding. I don't have the memories of his farm, or the many years he served as a summer cook at Swan Lake Christian Camp, or the hours he dedicated as president of the Sand Creek Watershed, or the friends he made while in the bowling league. I do have memories of his quick smile, dry humor, love of family, and the importance of visitors to break up his days while living at Bethesda Home.

Last night John and I visited Grandpa. We knew Hospice Services had been started. We knew the CHF, Parkinson's, and Depression had taken a toll on his body. We knew he was dying. It wasn't until last night that our hearts took all of this in.

Last night we clung to our memories of him because the person we visited didn't fit our memories at all. He was tired. He struggled for every breath he took. He didn't have the strength to visit with us, or laugh at a dry joke. John had a chance to say thank you. We both said good-bye. It's really difficult to watch someone we love go through the process of "actively dying".